June 2, 2020 – Day 78 of my quarantine
I think I first became aware of the possibility of the existence of other worlds when I saw the Wizard of Oz movie on TV – I was probably 4 or 5 years old. We had a black and white TV so I had no idea what it really looked like until years later, but it didn’t matter to me – it was another world – it was not here. Not this world. Somewhere else.
I was an only child living in a house located in a remote region of Adirondack Mountains of New York with 2 dysfunctional alcoholic parents who fought constantly, sometimes violently. In addition to the isolation, emotional neglect, and constant distress of my environment, there was a growing and persistent awareness within me that I was not in the right body. Children of alcoholics are never allowed to discuss their feelings or much of anything for that matter, and even if I had been – there were no words for what I was feeling, there was no name for it. I just wanted to wear boy’s clothes and play with boy’s toys and be a boy. Because inside I WAS a boy. I would fall to sleep at night imagining what it would be like to die so that I could be freed from the body I was trapped in and maybe get a new one. The first time I attempted suicide I was 9 years old.
So discovering that there were other worlds – magically fantastic worlds – where people were kind to one another and Wizards would grant your requests – well, that was where I wanted to go. Because I sure knew what I’d ask the Wizard for and unlike Dorothy, I would NEVER come back home.
Here we are 60 years later and I am still fascinated by the idea of “other worlds” – it has been something I have spent over 50 years investigating through my studies in World Mythology, Folklore, Jungian Psychology, and Children’s literature. Along the way, I have amassed an impressive personal library dedicated to exploring this concept.
I have never felt like I belonged on this planet and lately, especially while watching the news when I see this world and its inhabitants showing themselves to be exceptionally cruel and indifferent towards each other I find comfort in reminding myself that I’m not from here anyway and that’s why I’m not like anyone here. This was never my world. Never my body. Never my choice. And although I’m stuck here for now – someday I’ll get to leave. And until then I can travel through the portal of my imagination to all the “other worlds” and bring back photos to put in my book.
I loved this song when it was originally published by Duran Duran – but this remake by Red is even better – and says everything I want to say here.
“What has happened to it all, crazy some would say … where is the world that I recognize? – Gone away.”
Sending you all my Love and Light. Stay Safe. Stay Smart. Stay Sane. Stay Strong out there.
Until next time …