May 19, 2020 – Day 64 of my quarantine
Sometimes, emotional pain can feel like a heavy weight that you can’t put down. You really want to. You really want to put it down and get as far away from it as you can – but no matter how hard you try – it won’t let you put it down. And no one else can help you carry it. So then you think you should give the weight back to the person who gave it to you. But that doesn’t work either because the person who gave it to you won’t even understand what it is.
I feel weary from carrying this weight. I’ve had to carry it so many times before. I just feel tired, exhausted, and not just old … but ancient. Like an ancient observer sent to this planet to experience the very worst impulses of its inhabitants.
I know in time this feeling will pass. The weight will begin to feel lighter and I will begin to forget for longer and longer periods of time that I am carrying it.
But I’m not there yet.
I’m going to do a repeat musical share here because I just keep listening to this song over and over. I’ve been told throughout my life, most ironically by people who have hurt me, that I have ‘a beautiful soul‘ and I can’t help but wonder – why then do they persist in trying to destroy it?
Stay Safe. Stay Sane. Stay Smart. Stay Strong out there.
Until next time …