Gray’s Death

Gray's Memorial.JPG

Feb 19, 2020

Those of you familiar with my cat story know that I took in 4 abandoned semi-feral kittens last year and have been raising them as my own house cats.

There were 2 other adult females that showed-up in my backyard around the same time – one of them disappeared a few months ago, I suspect she was eaten by raccoons, the other who had obviously been someone’s house cat and I suspect was dumped or abandoned was not feral at all, she remained in my backyard all winter in a little heated house I rigged-up for her. I provided her food and water and wanted to bring her in with the other 4 but one of my females, Millie, was very aggressive and angry at her and my tenant was adamantly opposed to me bringing a 5th cat into the house. I need to point out here that I own my own house and this person only rents from me and at the time I should have told them to mind their own fucking business. But I didn’t. Because I’d had several people telling me I was crazy for taking-in the kittens and I always assume I am wrong about these things and that other people know more than I do. For that reason alone, I am a fucking idiot.


I named her Gray – she may have been a Russian Blue, I will never know.  She was so sweet and very loving. For the most part, she just hung out in the backyard. She got lots of love from me every time I went out to feed her or let the housemate’s dog out to go to the bathroom.

Because none of the shelters would take her. I recently took photos of her and created an ad and posted it all over online trying to find a permanent, indoor home for her.

Last night I had a really strong gut feeling I needed to bring her inside DESPITE Millie’s issues and my tenant’s opposition. In fact, just after dark, I went to check on her and she was gone. I panicked – I could feel it so strongly in my gut. I got a flashlight and went out calling for her – within a few minutes she popped back over the fence and I gave her lots of loving and pets, made sure she had enough food, ate her dinner, I plugged in the heating pad in her house and saw her safely tuck herself in her little shelter. Still, I felt that pang in my gut that told me she should be brought inside the house  – but instead of heeding my gut feeling,  I said good night to her and left the back yard light on as I discovered several weeks earlier this kept the raccoons out of the yard.

This morning around 7:00AM I got up,  raised the blinds on my bedroom window and saw her body laying out in the street.

She had been hit by a car and killed.

My tenant helped me pick up her body and she took it and put it in my garbage can on the side of the house. I was standing in the middle of the road crying so hard all I could utter was that Gray was NOT garbage. My plea was ignored. So after my housemate left for work I removed Gray’s body from the trash can and I took her to my vet to have her cremated and her ashes will be returned to me. She was a member of my family even though she lived outside and she deserved to at least be shown this modicum of respect and dignity.

Had I heeded that strong intuition last night, that gut feeling, Gray would still be alive.

This was not the first time I have disregarded my own intuition, only to suffer dire consequences. But it will be the last.

Right now, I do not feel like talking to anyone about this. I don’t want any sympathy, empathy, people telling me they are sorry or anyone trying to tell me about “God’s Will.”  I just want to be left alone to grieve privately.

Until next time …

Categories: #cmralph, Death